Save Yourself

In this episode of "Get Out the Group Chat" it’s all about how you can  "Save Yourself”. We dive into the crucial topic of mental health and share insights on proactive steps to improve your well-being in 2024.  🧠


Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/new-life (https://click.pstmrk.it/3s/uppbeat.io%2Ft%2Fmoire%2Fnew-life/vZub/Zq6yAQ/AQ/74ea54e8-4ea3-498b-a4eb-796286f9e4e7/4/qc1qvBx_nI)

License code: 4LNHLW6CL9FJGMWN

Transcript

Tan: 0:00

One, two, three, four. Get your friends about the group chat, group chat, group chat, wave your passports in the air,air, air. The devil, he don't like it. Stomp that devil, stomp that devil. Oh well, oh well. Okay, we got a choir with us on today's episode, oh my gosh. So I am so excited to have you guys back with us. Today we have our good friend of many, many years with us, miss Nikia Sharif.

Shay: 0:41

Hey y'all. She's amazing, amazing, amazing. We've been friends for like 10 plus years now, Max.

Nikia Sharif: 0:47

Since we was in the womb.

Shay: 0:49

Oh womb, we're lying. We're lying now.

Tan: 0:52

Definitely. She's definitely new to the group chat. No, she's big, no, no no, she's awesome.

Shay: 0:57

She's a great friend. You can call her almost anytime. She go to bed early, but most of the time she answers 90% of the time. Except here recently you know she got a boo and all. So things have changed, just a habit we're accepting. Not too much, it's okay, it's okay, we love her.

Tan: 1:11

She's a counselor, she loves everything mental health. She loves the youth she wants to see people whole, and so we're just super, super, super excited to have her on Get out of the group chat.

Nikia Sharif: 1:24

I'm so honored to be here. Thank you, You're welcome Well awesome.

Tan: 1:30

Well, before we get started, we like to play a game.

Shay: 1:33

Okay, okay.

Tan: 1:35

And the name of this game is called phone a friend, and so you know, we're everything about friendship on this here podcast, and so what you're going to do is hold on Hold on Hold on Hold on Hold on Hold on Hold on Hold on Hold on Hold on. I am going to. Well, you're going to call a friend when that friend gets on the call.

Tan: 2:00

I am going to ask them a question. They have approximately 10 seconds to answer that question and get it right. If you do not, if they don't answer the phone and if they get the answer wrong, you have to eat the mystery dish, what? Okay, you have to eat the mystery dish, all right. My producer says that you have about 15 seconds to call this friend, so let's get into it. Okay, okay, put on my speaker.

Nikia Sharif: 2:31

No, obviously, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Shay: 2:39

No, okay, all righty, she answered.

Nikia Sharif: 2:43

We are. Can I explain to her what we're doing? Yep, so we're on a podcast, jazzy, they're about to ask you a question and you have to answer it within 10 seconds, okay.

Shay: 2:53

question. Okay, you ready.

Tan: 2:56

Jaz are avocados, a fruit or a vegetable? I'm starting. All right, jess is a good friend, wow. So how did y'all knew that?

Shay: 3:10

Tell us in the comments how you knew. I didn't know. Thank you, jess, but how?

Tan: 3:14

many of y'all knew that avocados were fruit. Now, Nikia, did you know that? I mean yeah, ok, it's giving you, no, it's giving you no, and that's OK, OK so that's good for you. You don't have to eat. Look at the mystery meat. The mystery meat.

Nikia Sharif: 3:33

And that's great. Can I know what it is?

Tan: 3:35

So you know your name starts with an N OK. So we got together Nutty Buddies OK, and Nacho Cheese oh, I mean, that's not that bad. Would you like to try?

Shay: 3:46

No, no, no.

Nikia Sharif: 3:47

I'm just saying it's right under my seat, we can definitely get into it. I was going to call a guy.

Tan: 3:51

I mean you know, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, I'm bringing up your boyfriend, I'm sorry. I'm bringing up your boyfriend in the middle of a party. Ok, I'm sorry. Continue, continue. What exactly were you going to say?

Nikia Sharif: 4:05

No, I was going to tell you the person that I was going to call first, but I was like nah, he was like Bob, take a sweet time.

Tan: 4:12

Oh wow, Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'm sorry, babe. I'm looking at you right now. I know your girlfriend did not call you because she felt like you were going to answer the question quickly enough.

Nikia Sharif: 4:24

Ok, sorry, we're going to edit this part out. Brother, we're going to talk about this.

Tan: 4:29

No, you do need to get up better with your games, because I played a game with you and I was really wondering.

Nikia Sharif: 4:35

We're working on it.

Tan: 4:36

We're working on it, you know we're working on it, ok, well, awesome, yeah, so let's go ahead and get into our topic for the day. What is our topic? I'm just lying . I forgot to name the topic.

Nikia Sharif: 4:49

Save yourself.

Tan: 4:50

Save yourself, save yourself. So I know, I know the purpose of it. I know what's been talking about. I'm in a line. I forgot to name it.

Shay: 4:57

I'm in the episode, yes.

Tan: 4:59

So it's all about saving yourself and we're excited to have Nikia on, because it's everything about mental health but it's all about you. It's about focusing on what's going on with you in your life and self care and all of that, but with Christ, and so let's go ahead and get started. So, Nikia, we want to, you know, we want to find a little bit of information on what kind of information like personal information, very much personal, like in the group chat like, yeah, I'm ready, so feel free to talk like you would talk in a group chat.

Shay: 5:29

Okay, all right, okay.

Tan: 5:31

Breathe in.

Shay: 5:32

Breathe out. It's good, it's going to have a good time. You have to tell my kids she's going to be okay, she's going to be okay, thank you. All right.

Tan: 5:41

So how do you love on you?

Nikia Sharif: 5:44

Let's see. So I think one of the first things that I do is I try to make sure that I'm allowing. I'm allowing God to love on me because I think that love has to start from that place, from God loving you. And then, outside of that, I just try to do different things self care, making sure that I'm looking good, making sure that washing my hair, doing things that makes me feel good.

Tan: 6:15

So has loving on yourself ever affected any of your relationships or relationships with your family or even your friends? Have loving you ever like, had, like, almost like, a consequence, or punished me to it?

Nikia Sharif: 6:27

Yes. So there was a particular guy that I was dating and I felt like, because I wasn't loving myself to the best of my ability, I compromised in a lot of different ways. And what are those ways?

Tan: 6:41

Would you like to share with the people you don't want to? They sent you overcome. That's the group chat. Now Confess your sins. You shall be healed when you confess yes.

Nikia Sharif: 6:53

Okay, okay. I compromised myself, like sexually, I compromised myself with just being somebody that I was not. Like I felt like I couldn't even recognize, like who Nikia was.

Tan: 7:07

For sure we've all been there.

Shay: 7:08

Who was this person? Wow?

Nikia Sharif: 7:11

I just put myself in this situation that it wasn't Nikia, wow.

Tan: 7:18

So if you kind of had to give advice to someone you know about loving themselves, like even you know, times are crazy. We are still kind of fresh out of a pandemic. As a counselor, even as a friend, what kind of advice would you give to your friends or to our online community on just different ways to save yourself or to love on yourself?

Nikia Sharif: 7:38

So I think one of the first things that I just want to say that we as a nation we prioritize like physical health. We don't really prioritize like our mental and emotional health. And so I think that just like you go to your PCP, like on a yearly basis, or you go to your specialist, like you make that a priority. I think that seeing the therapist should be prioritized.

Nikia Sharif: 7:58

And so like making sure that you are taking care of yourself emotionally and mentally, because, like look at the statistics, like people are committing suicide more than ever before, people are dealing with depression and anxiety, and so, like it's just really important to make sure that you have a therapist.

Tan: 8:16

So as a therapist, who's a therapist? Have a therapist.

Nikia Sharif: 8:23

I'm a little sporadic with it. Okay, you know I be. I need to do better, got you.

Shay: 8:29

I don't have one at all. So I mean so, shay, why don't you have a counselor or a therapist, I don't know.

Tan: 8:34

I just have it. Do you feel like you need one Because she's?

Shay: 8:38

got. I think I, I think I do. Yeah, I think I should go. It's I think it was more time with me. You didn't have time to go. Right On your mental health Right, and it's sad because a lot of people think that you know what I mean is like wait.

Tan: 8:53

so you're saying it's sad, no?

Shay: 8:54

you say time or sad that you didn't make time. No, sad that I didn't make time because I feel like I am an advocate for therapy, like I will tell people. It's just, I don't do it myself.

Nikia Sharif: 9:03

But, but yeah, why do y'all think like it's, it's not a priority?

Tan: 9:08

for I think, first of all, we're just coming to the age where it's just like, it's becoming acceptable. I feel like in our community.

Tan: 9:16

I mean fresh, like even as kids friends, we were just kids. The other day it was like if you go into therapy, that means you're crazy, yeah. So I think the renewing of that mindset so even though we are like I believe in therapy, I believe that you should go you still kind of got to renew your mind about those things that you thought like, oh, if I go that means I'm crazy. Or, or even if I'm going, something dramatic or traumatic has to be happening in my life for me to go. It's not like, let me go for that maintenance, like a yearly checkup to my OBGYN or my primary doctor, and so I think it's. I think you know we have those like, yeah, I believe in it, like you should go, life is hard, but like we're not going because you don't. You still had to renew your mind about it. It's just my opinion. I believe in some therapy and I go every other week.

Tan: 10:01

Shout out to my therapist, shout out to you, woman. Every time I go, it's just. How do you have all the answers?

Shay: 10:09

She have all the answers to my problems, and this is what you're trying to do she, she, she be killing it.

Tan: 10:15

I believe in it. I'm superwoman, I can do anything in two weeks. You know what I'm holding in all this stuff, because when I talk to her, oh we go, we go get to the end of this, we're going to have some solutions and I'm going to come out, no matter what y'all say. My therapist said that's my favorite.

Nikia Sharif: 10:29

My therapist said that I you know, so yeah, so our goal is to make sure that she gets a therapist. So we're going to do some accountability.

Tan: 10:40

We're going to get the therapy out of the group chat. Say it again Get the therapy out of the group chat. Don't just text it.

Shay: 10:50

Do it in real life because we need it and they have some and I've seen it's so weird, like I've seen stuff that there can be free ones. There's no excuse now for our community, definitely.

Tan: 11:00

And times time can't be an excuse, yeah.

Shay: 11:03

Yeah, not having time or make time to go to eat.

Nikia Sharif: 11:05

Yeah, because sometimes, yeah, it's a money situation there's some counseling firms it's called a sliding base skill or a sliding skills service, where you can just pay what you can.

Shay: 11:16

Yeah, so that is something that's good. So y'all hear that out there, yeah.

Nikia Sharif: 11:21

So, utilize.

Tan: 11:21

Maybe we'll put some of those resources in the description so you guys can get connected.

Shay: 11:25

Yes, because we want to help the people Right Help me.

Tan: 11:29

I have a question for you, nike. I'm just interested because I know my name is going to be mentioned. Personally, have you ever had any friends? Because I think you know Life is hard right and we go through very difficult seasons and mentally you can feel alone, you can feel like nobody understands. But do you personally, like have any experiences where your friends have shown up for you, or maybe they did not show up for you when you were in that difficult season?

Nikia Sharif: 12:00

Okay, say the latter part.

Shay: 12:04

We're in the girl chat now. I mean, if you did just say you did, I mean.

Tan: 12:07

I know we're supposed to be friends and all right. Maybe you should try to tell me something Right right. So like do you have any experiences where your friends showed up for you in difficult times, or have you just never had it Like I don't know what it's like to have a friend to be there with me when I'm struggling.

Nikia Sharif: 12:22

I was thinking, or I'm thinking about, just like the tough seasons that I've endured in life.

Tan: 12:28

Yeah.

Nikia Sharif: 12:28

And so like I don't have like a whole lot, but one of the things that I've struggled with is like not having to active father, and so that, honestly, is, I mean, something that I'm still struggling with and I'm still trying to, you know, heal from father wounds, but I did have a particular friend, that kind of, or allowed me to see that that was an issue.

Tan: 12:51

Why was that friend's name?

Nikia Sharif: 12:53

I'm sorry. What was her name? It's me.

Shay: 12:55

Oh, it was me.

Nikia Sharif: 12:56

Oh, I'm so happy to be here Because we have for you, when you have an inactive father, it's like it's nothing to deal with because they're not present, right?

Shay: 13:06

Yeah.

Nikia Sharif: 13:07

It was something that I had to be made aware of, and I was by my friends.

Tan: 13:13

So I was just. I just this just came to my mind, so do not kill me for asking you this question, but there are so many people who don't have an active father in their life. Yeah, yeah, how do you think if you had to just guess that affects someone mentally? Or even, how has that affected you mentally? Like, how does that affect the way you think or the way that you process, the way that you handle situations? What has been your experience with that?

Nikia Sharif: 13:39

I think that my perspective, my belief systems have shifted, like the way that I view men romantically and also like in a father figure way.

Tan: 13:49

So like I. So give me like. What do you mean by, I guess, romantically? How would your father not be in there if like your thought process?

Nikia Sharif: 13:57

Well, so there's a reoccurring thought that even I have in my relationship now that he's going to leave, because my father left, so like that reoccurring, just like trauma that I experienced as a child and just like having to like oh, is he going to stay or is he going to leave?

Tan: 14:11

Yeah, type of that's real, that's real so how do? You when that thought comes like how are you dealing with it?

Nikia Sharif: 14:20

It has to be God, Because that's the only way, because he's it says in his word that he never leaves you nor forsakes you. So I have to remind myself that if God is that good that he'll place somebody in my life that's good, like him. I mean even though we're imperfect but he's going to allow him to be good.

Shay: 14:39

Yeah, that's good, and I think, on the opposite side of that, I guess me having my father. I think that's why I view relationships, friendships of like, being that, security being there, because he's always. He always been in my life.

Tan: 14:55

So you're saying you're the security for others or you expect that security from others.

Shay: 14:58

I expect that security from others, because I've got it from my father, you know what I mean. That's why I tried not like I told you before in the previous episode is I put that guard up a little bit because it's like I've always had that security and it's so. It's like it's now you're dealing with other people and, yeah, in relationships, yes, it's risky.

Shay: 15:22

And it's good to take that risk. I'm not gonna lie. It's good to take. I took that risk with all you guys ten years ago. You know me and you know the best.

Nikia Sharif: 15:36

2014, 2014 years internship right brought us together Shift internship.

Tan: 15:43

Okay, so then, ladies, so we have someone who just didn't have their father and someone who did have their father. How has your those different experiences? How was it positively affected your, your mental health? Because I don't think we always think about like the negative things, how it makes us stronger, and sometimes we don't even reflect on what we, what we do have, how it's affecting our mind and how we move and do things.

Shay: 16:09

Yeah.

Nikia Sharif: 16:12

I.

Shay: 16:21

Know I would say the positive I Guess it would be I think I'm more stable, I think I don't have to worry too much, or like I Don't have too much of like a traumatic Lifestyle, you know.

Tan: 16:38

I mean like right.

Shay: 16:39

I had that protection. I had that Him being there. We did have one little incident like my parents split up just a little bit. Um, and it's so funny because I always tell them like during that time I think I was in sixth grade and when they did split, yeah, I act that monkey fool. My mom got into the car accident and you like. You can't Like. I was working a good job. So I don't know why he called me, said it feels like, yeah, you know, not cutting me off.

Tan: 17:35

But it was almost like, yeah, okay, I'm gonna go into a season of doing. What I want to do is what she said and what she did.

Shay: 17:55

This is the group chat, so I mean it is what it is. But, um, yeah, I just I was like, oh man, like I just was like, forget it, you know, found me a little boo, you know, and I was just like, so okay, so we're friends and everything like that. So I am a person where it's like I didn't want to go alone To the guy house, so she just took me with her, that's real friends y'all.

Shay: 18:25

That's the friends you gotta have. But no, no, I don't think it's sin I. So I mean, hey, we here win the group chat. My friends all know I'm a virgin, so I Don't think nothing's wrong with kissing for real, and I just said I was wrong you know, you know they just seen some marks on the neck, you know, so it was, I think.

Shay: 19:04

I think the mental, I guess it. I would say when you don't have that father. And I think during that season I had to realize who my real father was, even though I do have the earthly father, but it was the heavenly father that really, like that's the part I should have been, you know, having that relationship with. So, yeah, I ended that and I really got closer with God.

Tan: 19:26

I think during that time yeah, right, so that's what I'm saying. You like you're saying there's no positive to your dad now being a, but I'm like there's one, at least one, at least one teacher, I think that of course, like for Shay, she had a relationship with her.

Nikia Sharif: 19:45

She had to act the father in relationship with him. So I think that sometimes, when you do have like a good father, you lean to them Financially, emotionally, in all these different ways, when God is supposed to be that source. So it forced me to have to get those things from God. Yeah because he wasn't there. So I think that's definitely a positive aspect, because you need to lean upon a Lord you don't need to lean upon yeah. Well, you know what I mean like lean upon him wholeheartedly and you did that.

Tan: 20:12

You feel like you did that.

Nikia Sharif: 20:14

I'm working. I'm a working progress. I think it's a yeah.

Tan: 20:18

Yeah, I don't think I've arrived, yeah, but I've progressed okay, so Helping those who were just kind of going through a tough season. Maybe 2023 was a rough year for you. 2023 was definitely trying to put me in a chokehold. It was definitely, you know, trying to punch me in my neck, but we've made it to 2024. Yes, we have so. How would you or what's some advice you would give to those who are going through a tough season, or maybe just left a tough, tough season?

Nikia Sharif: 20:49

So one thing that I said earlier I want to repeat again, like how we prioritize, just like our physical health. I think that when you prioritize your physical health is you're putting preventive measures in to ensure that your physical is dealt with. So I think that the same figure, the same with your Emotional and mental health, like if you are regularly seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist, then you give yourself like Something to fall back on when tough seasons come yeah, they are going to come, it's inevitable. Like you live in a world.

Shay: 21:22

Yeah.

Nikia Sharif: 21:23

Pull the fence. Yeah so just making sure that you you have a therapist or someone that you can.

Tan: 21:30

Yeah, yeah. So then, how do you incorporate your friends in it? So, going to a therapist, psychiatrist, like all that is important, right, but how do you, how do you stay healthy, how do you be the best version of yourselves and allow your friends to be in that process?

Nikia Sharif: 21:48

Okay. So I think one thing is being vulnerable, like with what love that, what you're experiencing, because, like a person I mean they may know God, but they'll know everything, right, yeah, so like being able to like, hey, I'm in this rough place, I'm in this tough place, I need help like I need you to hold me accountable in this area, I need you to do this, this and that, and so I think that that gives room for the other person to like to be there for you and even scripture that we talked about earlier, like confessing your sins so that you may be healed.

Nikia Sharif: 22:17

Like there's a vulnerability. Like God, he exposes the dark places and allows other people to be light, like I think.

Shay: 22:34

I May struggle just a little bit with it because I don't open up so much. Really, she was just talking about why.

Tan: 22:41

I'm not being vulnerable. Yeah, what prevents you from being vulnerable with even us? Hmm?

Shay: 22:46

I'm a little bit with y'all, but I mean not. So then why did it take you so long? Oh, I Don't know, I think. I think I Think it's just people. You don't ever know what face value to take for people, I think, sometimes like so. I have to go through a couple of rounds with people to you know they mean.

Nikia Sharif: 23:12

So established trust. Yeah, I think so.

Shay: 23:14

Yeah, and If I feel, like you, a little shaky, I'm probably not gonna open up. Or you know to me, yeah, so is is. Yeah, I guess that's trust. Maybe I'll trust I'm.

Tan: 23:29

Probably need to get there to finish the work.

Nikia Sharif: 23:31

Complete the work make it right, you know, bring it all back together exactly, exactly, definitely.

Tan: 23:37

Okay, so we have another part of our podcast. Yes, okay, we share a Crazy friendship story and we want to know your thoughts or even advice you we give to this person. Okay okay, so I'm gonna read, you know my processor, so just give me this one. You gonna be like what?

Nikia Sharif: 23:56

oh so.

Tan: 23:57

I recently got a message from an old school friend Apologizing for the bullying I received from them in the rest of my circle. I didn't realize I was being bullied 20 years later and I only now find out that the people I thought I was closest to at school Didn't actually like me. That hurt Sheesh. So literally this person Live their life 20 years later, get a phone call from a friend and they're like I'm just so sorry for bullying you and mistreating you when we had high school. And the person's like wait, you, bullied me, I Didn't know you bullied me. Wow, I thought we was. And now I'm being retraumatized by trauma that you thought I had, but I didn't had enough. So how would you if you were to get a call like that?

Nikia Sharif: 24:50

well, actually experienced something like that in real life. So yeah, when I experienced that in real life, what sort of? There was a friend that I had and there was a friend that I had and I Didn't realize the type of treatment that I was receiving until somebody had recognized it. So, I am her and so. So, yeah, that I think it's I Mean, but the, the girl didn't have to come back and say that's right, that's, she didn't have to come back and say oh, you know, yeah. So what if that was?

Shay: 25:33

her. What if that was her like therapy moment to. So I guess, Shouldn't have brought that back up, because I didn't realize that in the day. What if she was getting stuff off her chest, right, right, you know. So I can see it both ways, in a sense of, hey, you know, yeah, you shouldn't have brought it up, but then hey, maybe on the other end she's trying to get healed. Yeah, we just hope you go to therapy. So I mean, you don't know if that's what therapy? Therapist order to do.

Tan: 26:00

You know, and that's probably just a topic she needed just take to the therapist next week. Miss ma'am, you want believe?

Shay: 26:06

it. So that is crazy Well thank you, absolutely enjoyed you.

Nikia Sharif: 26:18

Invited back. I don't know who this person is.

Shay: 26:25

Cuz you got out the group chat ma'am and made it on the episode.

Tan: 26:31

Thank you guys for joining us. Make sure that you go ahead and subscribe, like and comment. We are so excited for you guys to be here and we have more episodes coming your way, so make sure you stay tuned. See you next time. Get out the group chat.