In the finale of 'Get Out the Group Chat,' Tanzania and Shavonia delve into the intricacies of navigating group chats and friendship dynamics, offering personal anecdotes and strategies. From decoding subtle cues to facing communication challenges head-on, they explore the complexities of modern social interactions. As they bid farewell, they leave viewers with an invitation to reflect and enrich their own friendships, emphasizing the importance of being present for those who matter.
To advertise with us or if you want to shout your bestie out email blackfriendsforeverms@gmail.com
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/new-life (https://click.pstmrk.it/3s/uppbeat.io%2Ft%2Fmoire%2Fnew-life/vZub/Zq6yAQ/AQ/74ea54e8-4ea3-498b-a4eb-796286f9e4e7/4/qc1qvBx_nI) License code: 4LNHLW6CL9FJGMWN
In the finale of 'Get Out the Group Chat,' Tanzania and Shavonia delve into the intricacies of navigating group chats and friendship dynamics, offering personal anecdotes and strategies. From decoding subtle cues to facing communication challenges head-on, they explore the complexities of modern social interactions. As they bid farewell, they leave viewers with an invitation to reflect and enrich their own friendships, emphasizing the importance of being present for those who matter.
To advertise with us or if you want to shout your bestie out email blackfriendsforeverms@gmail.com
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/moire/new-life (https://click.pstmrk.it/3s/uppbeat.io%2Ft%2Fmoire%2Fnew-life/vZub/Zq6yAQ/AQ/74ea54e8-4ea3-498b-a4eb-796286f9e4e7/4/qc1qvBx_nI) License code: 4LNHLW6CL9FJGMWN
Speaker 1:
One, two, three, four.
Speaker 2:
Get your friends about the groove, check Groove check, groove check, when your pass was in the air. Air, air the devil. He don't like it. Stomp that devil, stomp that devil.
Speaker 1:
Oh well, oh well. What did you do, y'all? We've made it to the final episode of season one. If you don't already know, I am Tanzania Black.
Speaker 2:
And I am Shyvana.
Speaker 1:
Marie, and this is Get Out of the Groove Check podcast, where we bring you everything friendship. We want to see the people grow. We want you to see, we want to see you be a good friend. We want to see you with some good friends and we want to see you in a group of friends, because you don't need just one.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, you don't need just one, you need a group of friends.
Speaker 1:
Group of friends. So yeah, so we're excited. In our last episode we've come a long way. Thank you to everyone who's watched every episode If you're watched one. We appreciate the likes, the comments, the support. It means the world to us that you guys will show up for us in just a major, major way. We are excited that we were able to help some people give some great tips. We've had some amazing guests this season.
Speaker 1:
So many great friends great advice, whether you are married, single, trying to get into a group chat, trying to get healed from one, whatever it looks like.
Speaker 2:
And that brings us to our topic. Brings it to our topic. If you had to get out of a group chat, like, literally, you probably had to get out of several group chats this season.
Speaker 1:
So, yeah, some of you you realize that, hey, my friends are a little toxic, yeah, the people I'm connected to really don't mean me well, and they don't like me, and that's it. And so it's unfortunate that that's your experience, but I'm also excited for you that you now get an opportunity to meet some new friends and take what you learned from get out of the group chat and make some new friends. Absolutely so, Shay have you ever had to leave a group chat?
Speaker 2:
Yes, sort of kind of yeah, as I talked previously I think I already said it on one episode Pretty much I just stopped talking in it. Pretty much, get my little way off, ease my little way out.
Speaker 1:
I'm a little bit more dramatic than you.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, oh, please tell them?
Speaker 1:
How do you leave? I leave group chats with my group chat and I'll be in it because you know, sometimes Apple don't be working right, so I'd be like Tanzania is leaving the group chat. I don't want to talk to you anymore and I need you to know that I am leaving the group chat.
Speaker 2:
And guess what I do? I add her back in.
Speaker 1:
Leave me alone. Now I'm muting it and I'm deleting the entire thread because I'm upset. Why are you not? That's the thing about a group chat. One thing we haven't talked about is the fact that people don't be responding in the group chat. Yeah, Respond to the people. I get it by the time you get off work. There's 100 comments.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
But go back. It's probably a good story. It's probably more entertaining than your Instagram thread. Go back and look at the group chat and see what we didn't say in there.
Speaker 2:
Okay. So when do you really think it's time to delete that group chat?
Speaker 1:
When you ain't getting no response.
Speaker 2:
In real life.
Speaker 1:
When is it time to leave a friend group is when you're exerting a certain amount of energy and you're not receiving it back. People aren't showing up for you in the same way you showed up for them, and then maybe sometimes it's just God is letting you know. Hey, it's time to kind of move on.
Speaker 2:
So is it after you guys have talked and everything, because some people, like I said, our society has cut them off real quick. But, like, what steps should you take before you just delete it now?
Speaker 1:
I think it depends, because sometimes we even got to have a conversation. Really, you don't think so. It was already declined.
Speaker 2:
It was already declined anyway.
Speaker 1:
Everyone already talked to you, so why do I have to make a grand exit and a speech to go along with it and embarrass myself?
Speaker 2:
and the people in the place. That's how minds work. They weren't communicating anyways. So that's why I just was like I guess I'll ease myself.
Speaker 1:
I'm just aware that I'm no longer in the group chat.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:
And they probably were already aware, but now I'm aware.
Speaker 2:
Right, because they probably got their own little group chat too. You know what I mean. So it was just like yeah, you know yeah, I shade, are you trying? To no, I'm just saying in general. In general, you know what I mean. They probably already got their own little group chat, so you know, just ease your way out. Yeah, yeah it is okay.
Speaker 1:
I think it's okay to delete a group chat. Because you could always recreate a new one. Yes, even if it's with the same people, because you know, I got 20,000 group chats with the same group of people. I mean, and it is okay, delete one, here comes another.
Speaker 2:
So that brings me to my next question Like how do you feel about like in person versus like the texting part? Like you?
Speaker 1:
mean like how do I like my friendships? Do I want it to be through text message? Or like do you?
Speaker 2:
accept just them texting you, or do you need that person to person connection?
Speaker 1:
I don't know, this is something about my 30s. I have always been one to respond to text messages, but it's like becoming hard. I don't even know why. It's hard Like I will see a message, and if it's like a one that I have to think through the answer or find something out, I would just like look at it and just leave it open so I can go back to it later. Oh yeah, that's to me is much easier. To just like we in person is just easy. You just flow, you kind of just know.
Speaker 2:
So you like the in person.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I can't remember. I can't. It depends Like are we having a serious conversation? Is it about laughing? And he, he, like, what is it specifically?
Speaker 2:
If it was a serious conversation, would you do it through text? If you had to?
Speaker 1:
I think probably should.
Speaker 2:
I, that's what I'm saying and a lot of people do that through text and stuff gets like I agree, but sometimes it just feels so much safer to do it.
Speaker 1:
text message why do it through a text message. Why? It's less scary, you know, because then you and you have control, so I can control my words and my emotions through a text message. But we get on the phone where it starts flying, gets harder to kind of take back stuff that you said Okay, then you need to be in person, then I feel like no. I'm saying in person. That's where it's scary, because you can take some stuff. You don't mean.
Speaker 2:
Oh, okay, so you're thinking the text message. Give you time to like, think on it.
Speaker 1:
It's supposed to, which is why I always think it's why people say crazy stuff. Through the text, you meant that you typed it red isn't it.
Speaker 1:
You meant that for me is much easier to do through a text message, but I think it's healthier for sure to do it. I think it's healthier to do it in person, so that you can hear the tone, read the tone, know that this is what this person is saying. You get an opportunity to ask for explanation. But if somebody says I just feel like you've been real mean to me lately, you're going to read it.
Speaker 2:
like I said it when somebody could have just been saying.
Speaker 1:
I just feel like you've been really mean to me lately. So, that's why I think so. I think it's healthier, but I'm not. I'm just saying it's always. It's not always the easiest.
Speaker 2:
So then, how is your friendships or relationships in person Like?
Speaker 1:
do you mean the conversations I have?
Speaker 2:
in person, yeah like how well do I do it. Yeah, sorry, are you kind of bad what?
Speaker 1:
did he? I ain't said I'm bad. I'm telling you my preference. My preference is the text message. In person. It just be like, oh, let's get this over with buddy.
Speaker 2:
So do you not like the conflict in person? I don't like the awkwardness.
Speaker 1:
So, that's. I don't like the feeling of I don't like conflict for, honestly, but I don't like being in conflict with people that I love. And I'm going to talk through the conflict because I know that it's necessary to get where we need to go, but that don't mean I like it. That mean I want to do it. I'm out here like Pick a conflict with me. That's not my goal at all, but I will do the in-person because I know that it's better.
Speaker 2:
I think I'm more in-person. I need to know, I need to see you, I need to know what the vibe is. I'm a vibe person and if I'm not feeling the vibe.
Speaker 1:
So when the last time you did an in-person? I'm just curious when you been in-person ma'am?
Speaker 2:
Well, I mean not per se, in-person, with like going specific, but just like I'm out and about and we're at the same spot and there's a vibe to you and we're supposed to be friends.
Speaker 1:
But you're in that space, You'll say yo, what's your problem?
Speaker 2:
No, I won't, no, no, no. I'm saying I won't, like I'm not going to do the conflict part. I'm not.
Speaker 1:
Oh OK, I just know the vibe, so you're not going to do the conflict at all, not in text messages or in person. Oh no, oh wow, so why not?
Speaker 2:
But if somebody bring it to me, yes, I will.
Speaker 1:
So you prefer to bring it to you in person through text messages, not saying I don't care.
Speaker 2:
But I am a I don't care type of person In a sense, not your line of view. I just can read Like I know the energy you giving me and if it ain't given, you going to wait till the energy go away or something? No, I just I don't care. I guess you don't. I have a I don't care kind of.
Speaker 1:
So why do you have that don't care attitude?
Speaker 2:
Oh, I think I said it in a previous episode I don't like rejection or I don't like.
Speaker 1:
So the truth is you do care. You just are putting up that guard so you don't have to feel what comes with that.
Speaker 2:
I guess. I guess I never really seen if I cared for you.
Speaker 1:
Because you put up the, you put up the wall. Maybe you put up the, I don't care while yeah. Ok so it's a safeguard. Yeah, do you suggest that for others? Oh, no, ok, so is it something you're working through in counseling?
Speaker 2:
Something you're going to probably submit to counseling yeah.
Speaker 1:
Because friend, friend I feel like you're going to feel so much better when you're able to open up in that way with people and be transparent. Because this is the thing Friendship hurts. Yeah, it's going to suck. There will be conflict, so what?
Speaker 2:
You was getting, you was getting irritated.
Speaker 1:
It's hurting me. Yesterday I just was like I don't care, but what if you?
Speaker 2:
don't really care too much to really put energy towards that.
Speaker 1:
You do care, though You've you've trained your mind to tell you that you don't care. So now your language is I don't care. But you don't care because you're not. You're not focusing any energy or any thoughts towards it, any emotion towards it, so it's just like that's just an area and I don't care about it. You don't care because you're in play. I know energy there. And then it says this Do you care about the people, the person? I mean, I love the people, you love the person, yeah, but do you care about the issue that matters to them?
Speaker 2:
Like, if you saw, about the issue that we're having the issue.
Speaker 1:
Oh, so if somebody has an issue with you, do you care about the fact that this is bothering them?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I look here, but not to bring it up to them, though, I guess.
Speaker 1:
But the Bible says if your brother has an offense with you, go to them. You're right. Can I be saying this stuff for the reject? I mean for real, and I just I guess like you said I don't want the reject part, I guess. Yeah. So, breaking down that pride? Oh, breaking it, it breaks. 2024 is the year of broken pride.
Speaker 2:
God is breaking it. He was breaking it in a dab in 2023. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
He might complete the work in 2024.
Speaker 2:
He's going to complete the work with Amy, you know, but yeah, so I just need to work on that part, yeah.
Speaker 1:
So you know. Well then, here's a good opportunity, shay, you know you're on the podcast with, you know with one of your friends. Let's practice, okay. So, for instance, or enough, for instance, give me this what's an expectation that you have of me or something you have in friendship that, of course, will pertain to me, that you've never expressed, that you could express right now?
Speaker 1:
An expectation would probably be, like I know I'm already an amazing friend, so it might be hard to, like you know hmm, I came and say because I told you showing up and you show up. So what about would you? An expectation would be something like I need you to process faster or I need you to be patient or I need you to stop calling me at seven o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1:
I can't meet the expectation. I can't meet it. I'm just real sorry. Until we get all these projects out that God has called us to do, you will get those seven-a-fone calls.
Speaker 2:
But no, I really you actually, she's really a great friend guys. You probably need a tan in your life. I'm gonna give her her little flowers. This is the last episode, but no, she's amazing, but there's something like what's something that you need. Accountability probably, I would say Accountability in what area it's, in the aspect of how I will lay my purpose down, so you want me to keep you more accountable.
Speaker 1:
You heard it here, folks.
Speaker 2:
She is asking for accountability.
Speaker 1:
So accountability as far as purpose and the things God has called you to do. So you want to be like what does that look like? On a weekly basis, because I want to meet the goals I got on my husband there.
Speaker 2:
I was like specifically how often, once a week, you want to be reminded to see what I'm doing towards my goals?
Speaker 1:
Okay, see how does that feel.
Speaker 2:
To express that it felt pretty good, a little bit of relief. It was hard a little bit.
Speaker 1:
Why was it hard? What did you think I was gonna?
Speaker 2:
say I don't know. I mean, I knew you was gonna do it regardless. I mean you're my friend, so I mean but yeah, okay, so yeah, what about me? What do you need?
Speaker 1:
I need you to be on time. I need you to be on time. When you're not on time, you are working against two of my triggers Not being on time and inpatience.
Speaker 2:
Oh, anybody here, you heard it. I need you to be. She might need to work on that inpatientness.
Speaker 1:
I'm just gonna say he got when I tell you he brought share my life. He moved. He put a little turtle. Woman of God, take 50 minutes to do one thing. She moved so slow I mean I'll work on that.
Speaker 2:
What does that look like for you to?
Speaker 1:
work on it. So let's get some clear.
Speaker 2:
I mean, technically we had a time today. I was only like a minute behind the time.
Speaker 1:
I just want our producer to put up the actual time until.
Speaker 2:
What I'm just saying you know. But no, I'm getting better. I will get better, for your sake, man.
Speaker 1:
I appreciate you, Shay. Well, Shay is also an amazing friend. She is a supporter to the highest capacity. You need a Shay in your life. She's there for a laugh and that type of joy that brings you peace when you're going through just very difficult times. So I appreciate you, Shabana Lewis.
Speaker 2:
So I got another question, though for you. Do you feel Not the question? She's always asking questions. Do you feel like it's awkward when a bunch of your friends are together and everybody's on their phone?
Speaker 1:
That was random. I'm not going to say it's awkward because I'm probably a part of the people that's on my phone too. See, I think that's wrong. I don't know if I would say it's wrong. I think it's unhealthy because we don't have unlimited amount of time with people. So I think when you're in a space with those friends, you need to be in a space with those friends. I had a moment the other day where I was without my phone for an hour and I was just like wow.
Speaker 1:
I forgot we just do this back in 1999.
Speaker 2:
So you was with friends.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I was with two friends. I think I was maybe with you and Kier, and I was just like, wow, we've been talking for an hour and I ain't looked at Instagram, I ain't swiped through Facebook, I ain't checked my email.
Speaker 2:
You know what? Yeah, it's been like that for the last week or so for me because I've been with you guys. Yeah, so you wait Back at the homies.
Speaker 1:
Oh, so you've been away from your phone more, oh yeah, oh my goodness, we take away your social media time.
Speaker 2:
Exactly, I got time, so you said you felt like it was wrong. Yeah, because I'm just like these people done. Came, they took away their time of the day to sit in your presence and all you're doing is being on your phone yeah, that's a little selfish to me. The cellphone is wack like crack, oh my gosh, but no, so yeah.
Speaker 1:
So definitely, when you're with people, put the cell phones away. Okay, if you need to delete some group chats, if you need to add some new ones, we advise you to do so. So that is it for our topic, but let's go ahead and get into our crazy best friend story, all right, so this?
Speaker 2:
is the story. My best friend moved out of state for college. She came back to visit but told me she was too busy for anything but family. A month later a mutual friend asked why I wasn't at the party she threw. Every single other person in our friend group was invited. Still not sure why I wasn't. Oh well, she farted a lot.
Speaker 1:
anyway, I'm not sure what the fire has to do with it, not sure. So I think and maybe we can hit on this next season I really think people need to start in a way labeling their friends, because in that she's calling that girl her best friend. So either one or two things either they're not best friends or they're not best friends. They're probably just friends or associates. Or y'all got some beef and how you don't know, you beefing with your best friend. There's just no way someone I mean there is a way because crazy stuff can happen, but the truth is she's probably not your best friend. But maybe it is weird You're part of the group chat because somebody else asks why weren't you there, right? So what happened in our friendship and that you're not sharing in this? Are you like just telling the with the other person then and not being honest about what you apply? You knew why you wouldn't invite it.
Speaker 2:
Or they're not. Like maybe she's her best friend but she don't receive that back. You know what I mean. Like the girl who went to college, she probably, like I, got another best friend, you know.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And you stuck in that. You know old, old best friend, you know.
Speaker 1:
I mean even the original statement. Hey, I can't hang out because I'm busy with X, y and Z. Right, if that's your like that, that actually was the first red flag, right yeah. So what are you going to do Is be with your family.
Speaker 2:
The whole time you back home. Yeah, that sounds a little. Get out that group chat man who you are. Yeah, it was already a little suspenseful. Lead best friend alone.
Speaker 1:
Best friend age of best friend. Best friend might be associate. Best friend probably not an associate because she had a party Show. Right, You're right.
Speaker 2:
She had a whole party Right. Best friend is old friend. Now Call her old friend. Old friend is ex friend.
Speaker 1:
Yes.
Speaker 2:
Yes, there we go, all right.
Speaker 1:
Well, thank you guys. That is a wrap on season one of Get Out of the Group Chat. I am so incredibly thankful that y'all have joined us on this journey. We can't wait for season two. Uh-oh, it's going to be good y'all. We got some really, really amazing people coming to the podcast to just share some good information and we're ready to just take it up a notch.
Speaker 2:
Yes, yes, a whole notch, so keep liking subscribing, please share. Share our episode Absolutely. I love you guys, and that's a wrap on Get Out the Group Chat Peace.
Speaker 1:
That is like her favorite thing to do. It is, and I love it. It's the millennial fingers. For me,