Friends But Not Friends!

Embark on an electrifying journey with Shavonia and Tanzania as they kick off the thrilling second season of their podcast, celebrating personal growth and cherished friendships. Dive deep into the essence of modern friendships and discover the secrets to fostering genuine bonds, from chance encounters to intentional connections. Gain invaluable insights into nurturing relationships in today's fast-paced world and be inspired to enrich your own social circles – it's just a play button away!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

One, two, three, four. Get your friends about the group chat. Group chat, group chat when your past puts in the air, air, air.

Speaker 2: 0:11

The devil. He don't like it. Stump that devil, stump that devil. Oh well, oh well.

Speaker 1: 0:23

Turn up. Welcome to season two. Two Of Get Out of the of the group chat. Hey, we in there, we in there like swimming y'all.

Speaker 2: 0:30

We are excited to be back again. Who would have thought the? Haters was against us they said we was never gonna make it. I don't know.

Speaker 1: 0:38

Everybody talks about haters, so I'm assuming, since everybody's talking about them, I must have them too, and I just didn't know I have them. So I'm pretty sure if I had a hater, that's what they would say. The podcast is not coming back, but we still did it. We still did it, we're here.

Speaker 2: 0:49

Yes, we are.

Speaker 1: 0:49

Again and we're excited y'all. This season is crazy. It's cray cray. We got some amazing guests. The topics we gonna be talking about the tea.

Speaker 2: 1:00

Get into it, so we're excited. So, shay, how you feeling today? I'm feeling good, but let me introduce myself. My name is Shavonna.

Speaker 1: 1:06

Marie, oh wow.

Speaker 2: 1:09

And who are you, lovely lady in the green?

Speaker 1: 1:12

I am Tanzania Black and we are the host of Get Out the Group Chat. Yes, we're excited. Yes, we are so Shay. Back to you again. How are you doing?

Speaker 2: 1:19

I am doing great.

Speaker 1: 1:20

I'm ready for season two, ready to release some stuff for people to, you know, be transformed in their communities and get the good stuff, absolutely Because we believe that growth happens best in community, and so one thing that we've learned through being in friendship, being in a friend group, is that we wouldn't be where we are if it wasn't for them, whether that be spiritually, even physically, we're as thick as we are, because all we do is eat together right financially just we've in these past couple of months.

Speaker 1: 1:50

Y'all wouldn't imagine the things we've been through, but if it was, not for family and if it wasn't for our friend groups?

Speaker 2: 1:56

man I don't know how y'all need to get some friends if you don't have any of any friends.

Speaker 1: 2:00

I need you to take this as the white flag that I am waving real loud across. You can't see it, but it's waving, it's. You need to get you some friends. Yes, because, life is gonna throw you some situations, yeah, that if you don't have them right, you may not make it out right, and that's why you know me and you.

Speaker 2: 2:17

You know how did how our friendship story start to?

Speaker 1: 2:20

so shea doesn't really know the story of how it began so yes, as we tell the story, we're just going to kind of throw in details as we remember them. So I heard of shavonna lewis.

Speaker 1: 2:30

Before shavonna lewis heard of me um her, her good, her good brother steven lewis. I knew him um through ministry, through church and that sort of thing, and he told me about this sister like she he had. I don't know what he, I don't know how he described her, but I was just like man, I want her to be my friend, oh my God. And so eventually I don't know if maybe a year or some years later she eventually moved to Mississippi. She did like an internship that our church had at that time Shift internship, shout out.

Speaker 1: 3:01

Yes, it was an amazing internship and from, like, I don't even remember the middle level, I don't know if we stayed in the middle too long.

Speaker 2: 3:07

So I feel like we went from associate but that brings us to our topic, that is exactly Friends, but not friends.

Speaker 1: 3:15

Except we've been friends and I've been your best friend. I've been your best friend for how long, sherri? I don't know why she's so. First of all, let me tell you this If you think she gonna get on this podcast and say I'm not her best friend, I will pull them little curls, them three B curls.

Speaker 2: 3:34

This the thing, this the thing. People always want to say Best friend, I put all my people in one category. They're all friends to me. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 3:45

Yeah, they are all friends to her, but I am her best friend, the bestest.

Speaker 2: 3:49

I'm the best friend, so you're the bestest, okay.

Speaker 1: 3:51

Many of you may not know this, but me and Shay are actually related. She's my cousin. Oh, I know you ain't get on this podcast. Stop lying, we are. We are related. It's so easy for us to be best friends because we're related.

Speaker 2: 4:02

We're related because we're from from. Our people are from little old knoxville county.

Speaker 1: 4:08

Little old is the key word. Everybody in knoxville county is related not me and my husband though, but everybody is keen in that county shay I'm gonna let her.

Speaker 2: 4:17

We're gonna do a um dna. We can connect it. I think there's some way to connect ancestrycom hurt my, my great.

Speaker 1: 4:25

Something told me that we were akin to their lineage, so, shayna, so we're best friends and cousins okay, amazing story back to what we're supposed to be, back to the subject of the day, the topic which is friends, but not friends yeah, yeah all right. So have you ever had someone who considered you their friend but really y'all wasn't friends, y'all was really just associates.

Speaker 2: 4:50

I think maybe like some middle school type job not middle school.

Speaker 1: 4:53

What do you mean, middle school?

Speaker 2: 4:54

like I think, like I was at this one uh school and, um, the girl kind of tried to hang out with my little crew. I guess I think she thought she was our friend. It was like you're really not that, put the proximity, like you're not as cool, you're not like going to our house and all that.

Speaker 1: 5:14

So how did y'all tell her that she wasn't cool? Because y'all was in middle school, so I know y'all flamed her a little bit.

Speaker 2: 5:19

I think we actually got in trouble. That's how I remember like it almost made it like you got to be friends with everybody. It was like no, we don't have to like.

Speaker 1: 5:28

What did y'all say to her to let her know that y'all were?

Speaker 2: 5:30

her friends. Now, it wasn't me, but you're in the friend group, so the other ones, kind of like, I think, told her like no, you can't sit with us, type vibe like.

Speaker 1: 5:40

So y'all were the mean girls no.

Speaker 2: 5:41

So, shay, were you a part of the mean girls crew at your school? I was not.

Speaker 1: 5:45

Like at a period in your life. I was actually quiet At a period in life were you no, a mean girl.

Speaker 2: 5:49

Like literally, if anybody ever said Like I was shy and quiet, so you hung with the mean girls. Or they hung with me, I don't know.

Speaker 1: 5:56

Oh, so you were the sweet, nice girl hanging with the mean girls.

Speaker 2: 6:00

Yes, I was Okay. So, have you had any friends that tried to?

Speaker 1: 6:05

So yes, and it's probably my fault the more I think about it. I think it's my fault Because if you meet me or we're vibing really well, I can give off that I'm your best friend.

Speaker 1: 6:16

Vibes Like we'll be super cool, like if something happens to you, like I'm checking on you, I vibes like we'll be super cool, like if something happens to you like I'm checking on you, like I can give off vibes that we're closer than what we are, but in my brain, in my mind, catfished them because I sound catfish. I didn't catfish him, I was truly being my authentic self, but my authentic self, like it takes me a little bit of time to get to a place where I consider you a friend. Friend now, this is the thing I believe in associates. Like everybody needs associates, I personally want some more associates.

Speaker 1: 6:45

My goal in 2024 is to obtain some more associates now. Do I necessarily want, like a whole bunch of more friends, right, like close friends, people who see me, my day-to-day life, who see what I'm going through, who are praying with me about specific situations going through? Not necessarily not a guy himself says, uh, ma'am, I want this person to be your friend and I'm down, but I am really interested in gaining associates. So so how does that look like what you're just gonna go out? And so no, um, I actually downloaded BFF Bumble for.

Speaker 1: 7:15

Friends, I know you lied because it's just like, if you were like trying to, if you were trying to date somebody right Like you could put in all the things that you're interested in and we can match. So I really want to make friends who are like interested in film and television and that sort of thing.

Speaker 2: 7:30

So networking, it is networking, we call it networking.

Speaker 1: 7:34

Okay, but in 2024, we're calling it being associates, a little bit of friends Okay. So I'm bumble for friends um. One of my goals is to go to a networking event see, I'll do that.

Speaker 2: 7:46

I don't think um, I'm not the get on bumble, and no, because if we're on, bubble I'm.

Speaker 1: 7:51

That shows intentionality, that I'm serious about this thing.

Speaker 2: 7:54

So when we swipe left on one another, then we know this ain't for play, play because we came on here for for real we came on here to actually you know, do something, I'll network, uh, because I, like you said, we are trying to get into the film and all that. So I would network, go to network events or um, different things like that. But being, attention, that intentional, I'm not there yet. So you team, no new friends, yeah, not really I, I barely want y'all. So I mean, it's just a joke, guys, I love my friends, shay, why?

Speaker 1: 8:28

you don't want no new friends, I just don't Right now, let me breathe in this season and then I'll come back. So you don't want new friends because it's too difficult right now. Yeah, Okay, so what if the Lord is like hey, here's Sarah and I want you to be friends with Sarah.

Speaker 2: 8:45

Are you going to be friends with him? Um, the Lord himself would have to tell me to be friends with Sarah.

Speaker 1: 8:47

That's the only way you're accepting new friends. Yeah, in this season. Has it ever been difficult for you to make friends.

Speaker 2: 8:52

I think I have a bubbly personality, just like you, so it's never been difficult. Um, holding on and want to keep friends. I think that's the difference. Um, holding on and want to keep friends, I think that's the difference. I, um, I'm a little what I could. Let's see, I really, um, I'm trying to come out the season of not caring and um, what's the other word? Uh, yeah, I just coming out of that season of not caring about people, Right, and friendships and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 9:21

Okay, like new ones, or just in general. Just in general because I I don't.

Speaker 2: 9:26

My friendships are very interesting um I'm very surface leveled with my friends now. Why are you surface level?

Speaker 1: 9:35

just because, like I don't want to put in as much work so when you see, you see it as like a job, it is, I mean we've been telling the people that all season long it's work and I just need to, you know, get over the work part.

Speaker 1: 9:52

So are you saying, are you admitting to the world and your friends that you intentionally hold back? I intentionally hold back so you don't get close to people. Yeah, so you don't get close to people. Yeah, so you don't have to do the work that comes with friendship. I've seen.

Speaker 2: 10:04

So this is me. I am not the person that just wants to communicate so much, and so, like I see my friends Nakia and Tia I mean them people talk all day, every day in the morning. I'm just like Shay.

Speaker 1: 10:20

I talk to you in the morning. I don't have to do that, shay. You talk to us in the morning too.

Speaker 2: 10:26

No, we get on prayer call. That's a difference. We get on to the prayer call and then.

Speaker 1: 10:29

I try to get off the prayer call. There has been plenty of times that I have called you up to this prayer call. We had a whole conversation To my hour drive to work.

Speaker 2: 10:37

We have and, and, and. What did I tell you one time? Don't call me that early in the morning. So, yeah, I think I hold back, but people don't like me.

Speaker 1: 10:44

There's some people who prefer nighttime, Like you're right.

Speaker 2: 10:48

You're right. But no, that's what. But no, I'm finally, I think, realizing like, and just from doing the, just because I don't want to do the work she said I'm breaking free, so yeah, I'm proud of you.

Speaker 1: 11:10

I'm proud of you. So what was that? What would you say? Was that moment that made you realize that I can't continue to be surface level with my friendships and I should allow myself to be a little bit more open to get?

Speaker 2: 11:21

you know, just a closer relationship.

Speaker 2: 11:24

I think it hit me maybe like a month or so ago. Now I ain't act on it, but it hit me around that time Like dang, like I really what happened a month ago? I don't know it was something happened and I can't remember if I either, maybe from watching the podcast or something, is like not realizing, like oh, I don't go deep for real, like I keep everybody right there At a distance, yeah, at a distance, yeah, at a distance, at a distance, but yeah, so I was like okay, these people are really my friends for real.

Speaker 1: 11:54

like oh, wow, not eight years later. She's finally recognizing that we're her actual, real friends.

Speaker 2: 11:59

These people are really my friends and so um that's good, yeah, just yeah, that's that's. I moved you guys from associates to friends.

Speaker 1: 12:08

Well, you've moved some from associates to friends. I've just been your best friend the entire time, because I didn't allow all that. Oh, let me be surface level crap with you. That didn't fly with me, miss Ma'am, it didn't. So in real life, because clearly every person you meet doesn't become your friend. Correct, how exactly are you moving people from associate to friend?

Speaker 2: 12:29

How do you?

Speaker 1: 12:29

move them.

Speaker 2: 12:30

So I think, by doing like spending time with them, more time. So if I see like I'm spending more time with you, that's when, like, you move up. Um, I think, last are you an initiator. Nope, no, how we become friends? Did I initiate you?

Speaker 1: 12:45

you did I probably did because I was the master initiator you was. That's when you wanted so many friends, I did you to initiate with me. That's not on a friend date. Send me a calendar, invite. I'm not.

Speaker 2: 12:56

I'm not like nike and kira. I'm not gonna send an invite.

Speaker 1: 12:59

I'm not gonna. You can invite. Yes, you are what that?

Speaker 2: 13:02

is a part of the being intentional, you just said I'm gonna be intentional, but that's not my vibe what is your vibe, man? I'll text you like hey, let's go. I'm very impromptu type hey, you busy right now. You're not. Okay, let's go out.

Speaker 1: 13:19

I'll do that well, I'm different than you well, you better.

Speaker 2: 13:23

I think I need more than spin.

Speaker 1: 13:24

I think there's levels to me, so kind of like if you start dating somebody and like say, if y'all start arguing like that first two weeks like you probably not going to vibe well. So one way to kind of get in with me, we have to have fun first. So we got to laugh and I got to have a good time with you. If I do not initially have a good time with a girl who's trying to be my friend, the likelihood of me continuing in friendship with them is slim to none so we can get past the oh, we're like having good fun vibes, then we can move to.

Speaker 1: 13:55

You know, so I'm I. You know I can be there for people. Um, I don't know how I would allow a person to be friends with me now, right, because I have so many friends and I know which friend to go to for each specific thing. So I'm not sure how I would allow somebody to move up.

Speaker 2: 14:11

So you don't need not saying need, but there's nothing you need because technically you almost you said you want to go into the entertainment filming, right, so technically wouldn't you want to get that type of friend, because then now you can go to that friend about that, because out of your whole friend circle you can't go to nobody about no film. No, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 14:28

So if god brings, you know well, yeah, if god brings it, but I'm not like I there was definitely a season like god. I really need friends, god please bring me friends.

Speaker 2: 14:36

God, I need friends. I remember that I was just like yeah, but I'm not there anymore.

Speaker 1: 14:41

I think the friends that I have I'm very much satisfied with. They fill me, they make me whole. I am one. No, I feel good with the ones I have.

Speaker 2: 14:49

So, yeah, like you said have you ever moved any of those friends from a social like the friends that you have right now? Were they ever like associates to you before, or do you have one right now that you're trying to move up? You know?

Speaker 1: 15:01

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding no, I don't have any associates right now that I would need to move up. Um, I think the biggest room for improvement okay, that's not the right one, I think. I think anybody can become closer to another person. So, whether it be you and I've known you for years we could always get closer. Our relationship could always grow. So I'm still I'm open for the friends that I have, for them to be able to continue to grow with me.

Speaker 2: 15:29

Um, yeah, so you never had to move nobody up or nothing like that, move them up, move them up or down.

Speaker 1: 15:37

Have. I had, I don't, I wouldn't say I've had to.

Speaker 2: 15:42

Have you ever had to demote a friend?

Speaker 1: 15:44

I wouldn't say I've had to Like. I intentionally had a conversation that said you're being demoted Through time and situations. People have been not as close anymore or has not been friends because of just life situations, life transitions, that sort of thing. What about you? Not you thinking that hard?

Speaker 2: 16:05

No, Never had to Per se demote Like you're saying. Like it's not, it's just time distance.

Speaker 1: 16:15

Che? So you've never demoted nobody? Nah, you ain't got a memory, huh.

Speaker 2: 16:20

No, like I mean Nah, I wouldn't say personally, Like just hey, you're demoted, it's just time, distance, we feel.

Speaker 1: 16:29

Okay. So, since we're both gonna act real superficial, like realized circumstances and situations have never happened to us that has caused us to lose friends, the truth is is that we have. We have lost friends because maybe they hurt us, maybe we have hurt them, and it's very unfortunate. Um, I absolutely hate to lose friends. Um, it is one of those things that have caused me to lose, like have grief, but when the grief is over and the lord has healed me, I can then move on right. Um, and let me say this I am the type of person at any point, if we, if I've lost you as a friend, you have access to get back and to be friends with me all I need is intentionality.

Speaker 1: 17:05

so if you are intentional about being that friend with me again, I would definitely allow that. Yeah, so you can spend a block with me.

Speaker 2: 17:12

So if you're out there and we're not as close as we used to be even in middle school, elementary school, and I'm looking for my friend Pauline.

Speaker 1: 17:18

Oh no, If you remember me.

Speaker 2: 17:19

I'm looking for my friend Heather Milwaukee. That's my bestie. I'm sorry. That sounds that name like she's on Facebook. I don't know where Heather is. Milwaukee, meowkey. That was my bestie, really. Yep, that was my bestie. Oh wow, eighth, ninth, tenth grade, that was my girl okay.

Speaker 1: 17:36

Well, so lead the people with a tip. Okay, how they can move their friends from associates to uh besties, or how to move somebody down, just give them a tip.

Speaker 2: 17:45

So I would say tip for you out there in these streets, these get out the group chat streets. Um, I would say definitely, uh, be an intentional friend. Um, if you're thinking like, hey, I want this associate to be more than a friend, then you know, spend more time with them. Um, open up a little bit more to them. Um, I would say, that'll help you to move that friend up. And if you know you got to demote a friend, then you know, maybe a talk is needed as well.

Speaker 1: 18:14

Um, that's good you know. So yeah, and I would say I think it's important that you and you don't have to tell a person this, but I think it is important for you to determine and kind of put people in groups and not put them in groups, so you mistreat them, but you put them into groups so you don't have false expectations of where these people should be.

Speaker 1: 18:33

So, whether it be an associate somebody, you just know, a friend, a close friend, a best friend, whatever you want, a sister, whatever you want to name them. Have people classify based on where y'all are and be honest with yourself.

Speaker 2: 18:45

If you are giving everything, they're giving nothing, you're probably not close friends so my tip to you would be is classify people based on what they are in your life, to kind of protect you, and so you know how to move with people yeah, that's, that's really. That's a, that's a beast one right there, because sometimes you may think you the bestie, no, I'm just like, but you might think you're the best. Then you're really not so definitely categorize, but I'm the best thing. So she wasn't talking about me all right.

Speaker 1: 19:10

So this next part of our podcast, we will do our friendship stories, y'all, and we want you to give us your take in the comments on what you would do. Would you stay in the group chat? Would you get out of the group chat? We want to know your thoughts in the comment sections, okay, so one night I tipped myself over the edge with consumption I'm assuming that means drinking and ended up having really bad, intrusive thoughts, to the point that I was sobbing, crying in the middle of the street, begging for it all to end. My friend screamed at me, told me I was being stupid and selfish and left me there to fend for myself. Are you going to leave the group chat or stop being her friend, or are you gonna stay friends?

Speaker 2: 19:51

I am gonna stay friends because at the end of the day, you shouldn't be out there drinking and looking stupid because I'll be pissed. I'll be the friend that leave you to be honest I am sorry, I will leave you behind. Let you think you about to embarrass me. Oh no, I don't do. I don't do that type stuff. She, I will leave you.

Speaker 1: 20:12

But you have a dream friend, because now I want you.

Speaker 2: 20:14

Anything can happen. Now, this thing, just to think I might make sure somebody go out and make sure you're okay, but at the end of the day, no, we not about to do that. You about to learn your lesson. That's what you about to learn, okay. Okay, she should not be leaving. No group chat. She should be apologizing to the friend that she made. Look stupid I'm sorry, what makes? You think she made her look stupid Because you did you out in the middle of the street.

Speaker 1: 20:38

so let me say this I have a friend who called me. Well, I wasn't, I wasn't there with them, but they called me and me and my husband was in the car, going somewhere getting some ice cream probably, and she called me, crying, dashy, drunk, and tell the story like I think she was complaining about her ex or something like that, and I honestly I thought it was like hilarious, like I just kind of just listened to her talk and it went on by my business. So I I'm the type that like I don't think she should leave the group chat, but it is like yo, like you can't be there for me in my worst moments, sometimes you drink a little too much and don't know.

Speaker 1: 21:11

Or some people not me, I don't drink y'all but some people drink too much and they don't, and they just have one drunken night.

Speaker 2: 21:19

So okay, well, you can have that drunken night, but you shouldn't be the one mad and leaving the group chat. I'm sorry she don't get it back, but you weren't there for me. You left me stranded. Now you learned your lesson, though, because I bet you she won't do it again. Okay, I bet you she learned her lesson. Mama Shay said stay out there drinking and thinking your friends just going to come through for you. They're not. They're not.

Speaker 1: 21:49

That's hilarious. Well, that was the first episode of season two. If you made it this far, thank you. Thank you so much for watching. We're excited about all of the different episodes that are coming out this season.

Speaker 2: 22:09

Y'all are going to love it. It's going to be so good. Um, and make sure you comment like and subscribe.

Speaker 1: 22:11

Subscribe, press that button. Yes, don't be a bad friend, because that's what you're going to do you're being a bad friend. Okay, and let me say this if you really want to be our close friend, like black friends forever, go, you know, comment or dm us on instagram and say, hey, I want to be part of your close friends and we'll add you to our close friends. You get all the behind the scenes stuff. You find out about the episodes before everybody else and guess what?

Speaker 2: 22:29

we got a little, you know, if you want to shout your bestie out shout your bestie out. Information for you shout your bestie out. So yeah, look forward forward to that information coming soon, awesome.

Speaker 1: 22:43

We'll see you guys next time.

Speaker 2: 22:45

Peace. Get out the group chat.